A - A patty wagon (paddy wagon)
Q - What do you call a pasty who is late for school?
A – Tarty (tardy)
Q - What is a dog’s favorite food from the sea?
A - Fido-Plankton (phytoplankton)
Q - What is a dog’s favorite piece of furniture?
A - Bark-a-lounger
Q - What do you call a dog who likes to swim back and forth in the pool?
A – A lap dog
Q - What do you call a psychotic washing machine?
A - Unbalanced (or agitated)
Q – Why would an angel need an ambulance?
A - If he had harp failure
Q – What is a dog’s favorite TV Western?
A - Rawhide
Q - What room of a hotel would a horse stay in?
A - The bridle suite
Q - What is the most popular pattern for dog apparel?
A - Houndstooth
Q - What would you call someone who didn’t understand evaporation?
A - Mist-I-fied
Q – Why did the fur trapper cross the road?
A – to get to the other hide
Q - What is a dog’s favorite Halloween decoration?
A – A jackal lantern
Q - What is a sheep’s favorite action movie?
A – Rambo
Q – What do you call it when people swap friendly saplings?
A – They exchange Pleasant-Trees
Q – What did the frog do when his car broke down?
A – He had it toad
Q – A police officer returns from covering a robbery and brings several pieces of jewelry with him. His asks, “Is that evidence?” The officer replies, “No, just accessories” (to the crime).
A woman covered in chickenpox runs into a doctor’s office and begins yelling for help. When the nurses cannot calm her down the doctor comes into the waiting area and says: “Hey, don’t do anything rash”.
Q – What does a dog call an extra nummy?
A – A bone-us (bonus)
Q – What do you call adhesive in a really ugly bottle?
A – tacky glue
A miniature pony is at the drugstore and the pharmacist asks if he needs help to which he replies, “Yes, I’m a little hoarse”.
Off kilter – Scotsmen getting naked
Q – What do you call a sulking dog?
A – pet-ulant
If someone is thinking about wassail are they mulling it over?
Q – How’s that ram’s horn working out?
A – shofar, so good
If you are clumsy you should eat more foods with anti-accidents.
Q – What file type do you use for ocean sounds?
A - .wav files
Q – What do you call a woman who only eats onions?
A – The lady of shallot
Q – What do you call someone attracted to big hairdos?
A – An Afro-disiac
I like to use aromatic candles as scent-erpieces.
I think of my hair as an extension of myself.
A cat climbed up into the engine of my car and slept on the catalytic converter.
A stringed instrument that plays itself - autoharp
You think they ever build Pier 1 by the dock for irony?
When your parrot flies away - polygon
Slow down there poison ivy, don't be rash
How was the Chinese food? Tso Tso
Lots of words use two letter O's like food and good. We call this an au pair
When you only get sleet in certain areas the storm is isolated. (Ice-o-lated)
The church just got all new fluorescent bulbs, it was pretty illuminating.
There's a conservative religious order that requires members to get LASIK, they are very observant.
What spell does a wizard use to unlock the magic of Hanukkah? Alo-Menorah (Alohomora)
Greek myth cheese : gorgon-Zola
Mean vegetable - rudeabaga (rutabaga)
Dog fruit : pupaya
My rabbits won't eat their carrots.
Oh do you have bunnies, because they only eat baby carrots.
Free sex is pro-boner.
Irish baked goods - Blarney Scones
I'm in college to be a traveling singer, I'm pre-minstrel.
Jet sliding on a puddle - hydroplane
Q - what kind of bait do libraries use?
A - Microfiche
If your sauce isn't spicy enough you can call the hotline to complain.
I'm confused by the expression 'hail do the queen,' why would she wants frozen precipitation?
You look like you're from Canaan, Amorite? (Am I right?)
The Spring festival for pancake condiments is when we dance around the maple (may pole).
When someone makes you eat all your Easter candy - Peep (peer) pressure.
When you are having dinner with some punctuation its accommodate (a comma date).
If you are scared of bovines are you cowed by them?
When your cylinder finishes high school, he graduates.
I'm in college to be a traveling singer, I'm pre-minstrel.
Jet sliding on a puddle - hydroplane
Q - what kind of bait do libraries use?
A - Microfiche
If your sauce isn't spicy enough you can call the hotline to complain.
I'm confused by the expression 'hail do the queen,' why would she wants frozen precipitation?
You look like you're from Canaan, Amorite? (Am I right?)
The Spring festival for pancake condiments is when we dance around the maple (may pole).
When someone makes you eat all your Easter candy - Peep (peer) pressure.
When you are having dinner with some punctuation its accommodate (a comma date).
If you are scared of bovines are you cowed by them?
When your cylinder finishes high school, he graduates.
If you baby your eggs, do you coddle them?
Be like Burger King, put milk powder in your smoothie and have it your whey
Santa's favorite sandwich.
Peanut butter and jolly.
Spontaneous crocodile / insta-gator
The best way to secure your tractors and harvesters is with a combine-ation lock.
You can prop up plywood with lumbar (lumber) support.
froze my salad, good thing its made of iceberg lettuce.
If you get an email about canned meat don't open it...it is spam.
Be wary of chess players they can have a checkered past
A dog who likes cantaloupe is a Melon-ois. (Malinois )
Did you hear about the guy who bought shoes from a drug dealer? He was tripping all day because they were laced with something.
Q - Why do cows have hooves?
A - Because they lactose.
Q - what do you call a two legged cow?
A - lean beef.
What makes a song longer?
An extension chord.
Be like Burger King, put milk powder in your smoothie and have it your whey
Santa's favorite sandwich.
Peanut butter and jolly.
Spontaneous crocodile / insta-gator
The best way to secure your tractors and harvesters is with a combine-ation lock.
You can prop up plywood with lumbar (lumber) support.
froze my salad, good thing its made of iceberg lettuce.
If you get an email about canned meat don't open it...it is spam.
Be wary of chess players they can have a checkered past
A dog who likes cantaloupe is a Melon-ois. (Malinois )
Did you hear about the guy who bought shoes from a drug dealer? He was tripping all day because they were laced with something.
Q - Why do cows have hooves?
A - Because they lactose.
Q - what do you call a two legged cow?
A - lean beef.
What makes a song longer?
An extension chord.
To sing and tell stories about bootay you must bum-bard your audience.
Q - What do you call laws for birds?
A - Cardinal rules
law protecting records made for future use - memoranda rights
I don't like handbags. I'm not that kind of purse-son (person)
Camels in a crisis are drama-dary. (dromedary)
The walk you take before you write a series of fundamental principles is the pre-amble to the constitution.
If you eat curry without breaks, its a naan stop meal.
Q - What do you call a hippie's wife?
A - Mississippi
Q - What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A - lamb-orghini.
A weightlifters favorite jewelry is the barbell
If you were born from September 23 - October 22 you probably vote Libra-tarian
When the pinniped says yes, you know you have the seal of approval.
What breed of animal is on the Kentucky State 25 cent coin?
A quarter horse.
When dogs travel, if they don’t like hotels, they can stay at a HairBNB.
When a scale is out on holiday you can tell people it’s a-weigh
What is Gumby's favorite Hawaiian dish?
Poke
Where to flute players live?
A Fifedom (Fiefdom)
If you heat water on high to open your sinuses it is 'Full Steam Ahead.'
If you spice your food twice you might be two-thyming.
If a member of AA needs to get around you on the freeway they want you to know "this too shall pass."
you know Chinese ducks are shyer than most
that's why they are always Peking
The concise orange was quite pithy
What animal prefers minestrone? A mar-soup-ial
What breed of animal is on the Kentucky State 25 cent coin?
A quarter horse.
When dogs travel, if they don’t like hotels, they can stay at a HairBNB.
What kind of flowers to ghosts like?
BOO-gainvillea
What is Gumby's favorite Hawaiian dish?
Poke
Where to flute players live?
A Fifedom (Fiefdom)
If you heat water on high to open your sinuses it is 'Full Steam Ahead.'
If you spice your food twice you might be two-thyming.
If a member of AA needs to get around you on the freeway they want you to know "this too shall pass."
you know Chinese ducks are shyer than most
that's why they are always Peking
The concise orange was quite pithy
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